Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. ~ Psalm 37:4
Today, as I was out in the garden weeding in preparation for planting, it hit me, "I'm exactly where I wanted to be. God gave me the desires of my heart!" I cried a little bit when I realized how good God has been to us in this way.
About five years ago my husband and I were seriously talking about selling our house (prices were up then) and buying some farmland for cash somewhere in the Midwest. "What a wonderful way for our children to grow up!" we thought. We dreamed of having a little (or big) farmhouse, a huge garden that would provide for our produce needs throughout the year, an orchard where we would pick fruit, and acres of grassy fields to feed the animals we wanted to own: cows and goats for milking and eating, chickens for eggs and eating, pigs for eating, etc. Of course we didn't have any real experience with any of that, other than very small-scale.
Life has a way of not turning out how you expect, that's for sure. What seems like such a simple choice can have unforeseen and far-reaching consequences. Not only OUR choices, but the choices of others. We never had the opportunity to sell our house, and so we have no way to afford that dream farm, even though prices are really low now.
But, as I said at the beginning, I was in the garden weeding. Me. In a garden. Preparing to plant what will provide food for us in the coming months. As I worked, the sounds of the farm life were all around me. Turkeys, roosters, guinea all competing to see who could be loudest. Cows in the distance mooing for whatever reason cows moo. Sheep and goats baa-ing, pigs snuffling. All of them free to roam and eat the food that God created them to eat.
And you know the best part of it? My son was playing in the dirt beside me. The child that God gave to me is exactly where he should be at this time in his life.
And then I cried because my husband isn't with us. He is missing out on his son's life, watching him learn and grow, teaching him about man things. He is missing out on the good, honest work that comes from living on a farm, and is instead stuck in a city full of strangers, trying to extricate himself from all that has entangled him. He is missing out on eating real food that will help make him healthy and strong. But I continue to have faith that he will one day be with us again, hopefully never to part. Because my husband is the desire of my heart.
I've heard it said that God works in mysterious ways, and I'm pretty sure that's true, because He sure doesn't tell me what He's up to, or how He's doing it! None of this surrounding me today is mine. I don't own any of it, except the few things I brought with me. None of the responsibility is mine. I don't have to worry about the prices that the cows will bring, or of the grains that are being planted in the fields, or if the roof gets a leak. But yet I'm here, reaping the benefits of such a place. Yes, I'm working for it, but if I were honest (and I do try to be!) I don't do nearly enough. But I'm learning something new everyday. I didn't have to start a farm from scratch and learn how to do everything on my own, the hard way; I'm getting to jump into a fully-functioning farm and learn from experts!
Almost none of my life today is what I thought we would have just a few years ago, but I know that God is taking care of us, and is blessing us. And as I realized today, He does care about those dreams, and can fulfill them in ways we never imagined.
For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. ~ Romans 8:24-25
A Psalm of David. Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.
For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.
Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.
For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.
But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.
The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth.
The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.
The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation.
Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be broken.
A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked.
For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the LORD upholdeth the righteous.
The LORD knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever.
They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.
But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the LORD shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away.
The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.
For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.
The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.
Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.
I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.
He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.
Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore.
For the LORD loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.
The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever.
The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.
The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.
The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him.
The LORD will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged.
Wait on the LORD, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.
I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree.
Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: yea, I sought him, but he could not be found.
Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace.
But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off.
But the salvation of the righteous is of the LORD: he is their strength in the time of trouble.
And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him.